Saturday, March 6, 2010

learning curve

       Yeah Mediafire is a pain in the ass.  Yes it shouldn't be.  Yes I'm working on it.  I've fixed all the video links so you can download them all without even leaving the blog.

      I'm trying to do a similar thing with the music posted here but for some reason folder downloads are harder to figure out.  I may just post each song individually if I can't figure it out soon.  That way there's no confusion.  

      I'm sure there will still be confusion.  

     At the risk of making this blog seem like a diary for everyone to see I have to share that the last few weeks have left me despondent, overly depressed, anxious, and delirious with emotion.  I've been afraid to leave my house for fear of running into people who are hateful or more depressed than myself.   I saw three people last week who were openly crying in the middle of the street.  

     It gets to me.  And I wonder how much patience I have left.  How much time I have left.  

     I've given up hope so many times over but I always get back on track so I knew I would turn around.  I been here before.  I keep coming back.  I don't let my emotions get the better of me even in my darkest despair because life is constant change.  I used to hate change but now it's all I can do to change everyday.  Shit, my life is pretty fantastic.  And yet sometimes it's the simplicity of wondering what I will be doing for the next few hours that throws me off, let alone what I will be doing next year.  It makes me think I'm crazy but only for a second.  If I'm crazy what does that make everyone else?  

      I started taking a class today, not that the class has turned me around but it's giving me more than I thought it would.  It makes a difference to wake up early and actually enjoy the day.  I have trouble sleeping because I think about what future I have left and I'm daunted by my choices.  So I hide.  I can't hide anymore.  The key is to stay busy.     

      What a beautiful day.  I'm going outside.  In the mean time here's something that is so great it might make you cry. 

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