Keep Laughing!: Summer Vacation II• Mesa Verde/Monument Valley/Lake Powell

August 25, 2020

Being that I was in the neighborhood I had to stop at Mesa Verde Natl Park. Proved to be a great idea for numerous reasons not the least of which because it was the birthday of the National Park system and therefore no entrance fee on this day. What they don’t tell you about Mesa Verde is you have to drive 15 miles into Mesa Verde from the entrance to get to see anything good. It was cool. Or rather it was a bit hot, but ok. You get a great view that seems to go on forever as seen from the peak at the center of the park. And of course the ruins of Mesa Verde endlessly inspire daydreams about society, community, peaceful times. I find solace to see a place so communal and cooperative, but also sobering as the place is in ruins and hasn’t hosted families for centuries.

Wasn’t paying attention to the gas gauge and it was a long drive into Mesa Verde. I found myself running low. There’s a gas station immediately outside the park but in a slight panic I didn’t notice it. The closest town was Mancos which I'd passed through earlier in the day. I backtracked despite the fact that I recalled seeing their sole gas station getting major construction done to it that very morning. I prayed it wasn’t the only gas station in Mancos even though I was fairly certain it was.

I asked some guy coming out of the post office where the nearest gas was. "Not the one in the middle of town." he laughed. Thankfully, he went on to offer a can of gas out of his garage. That lifted a weight off my shoulders. His kindness got me far enough to fill up at the next station.

More anxiety for nothing. Which usually the case for emotions of this nature. I'm in such a state where anxiety seems to be a constant and so it's an expected part of the day. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way, but that's hard to grasp when I sometimes get overwhelmed. I know it will sound silly but Bob Dylan once remarked about how a doctor told him "those feelings are only in your head."

Easy to joke about but it never feels that way in the moment, when I stare down the end of the world. It’s hard not to be at the mercy of the rush that overwhelms and crushes. But I understand it really is just in my head. Emotions are this moment, the age of reason is turning into nightfall and everyone is barely controlled in their own right. I'm not scared. But am I in danger of being too detached? Unlikely. There’s too much at stake even if I have no idea what my role is. I've convinced myself I’ve found a way to manage. I live most of my life in my head anyway, I’ll be damned if I’m going to live in fear.

Spending time in Mesa Verde made for a long day. I got a dumpy, expensive room down the road in Cortez, next to the asian hand job place.

August 26, 2020

Headed back into Utah. Just passing through. Didn’t mean to go by four corners, somehow missed my turn and ate a gas station sandwich in the shade of the convenience store next to the dumpster. Bought a cheap necklace from a native lady. Passed by Shiprock. Hoped to get a closer look at Shiprock but it felt like it was out of the way. Somehow Shiprock seemed to follow me as I navigated around it. I'd see it in front of me, then in the mirror behind me, then again to my left. Seeing it from so many different perspectives prompted me to ride towards it, but I found myself on the wrong side of the rock formation as all roads headed towards Shiprock from this angle were dirt roads. I need to buy a dual sport so I can off road for future road trips.

Monument Valley was closed for the pandemic. I pressed on to Page.

It was on this road from Utah headed into Arizona where I noticed an abundance of lizards warming themselves on the road. I tried my best to not run them over. At one point it seemed they were spaced apart every 6-8 feet in groups, perhaps socializing? It became a challenge not to massacre them one party at a time. I started focusing on the lizards so intently our perspectives seemed to switch. I could visualize their point of view, going so far as to see my own face as I zoomed by at 75mph. It was transcendental moment worthy of Thorough.

Got to Page. Proceeded to seek out a campsite on Lake Powell. It was a mere 5 dollars more for a decent hotel in Page so I said fuck camping. Excellent BBQ in Page. Tasty but gastronimoically shitty mexican food as well. My hotel was across from a large park behind the Safeway. I saw people the next morning in the park congregating in the few shady spots provided by trees. It looked like high schoolers getting high before school. It was reminded of the highs and lows of my high school. The groups looked older so I assumed they were just vagrants. I’m quick to judge sometimes, and yet resentful when it happens to me. Go figure.