Got a greasy breakfast in Elko, it was divine. The road to Winnemucca from Elko is desolate, and welcoming. The solitude of the desert means so much to me. Growing up in southern Nevada I spent plenty of time walking in arid out of the way places alone with my thoughts. The hermetic lifestyle has never left me for long. Don’t get me wrong, I like to socialize. It’s fun. It’s necessary. But I need to be away from that at length. I treasure isolation. Although I wonder if it’s proven to be detrimental to my relationships in some ways. A lone wolf don’t seem to understand much about other people. I’ve proven that to be true more often than not. Sometimes I hate myself for not wanting to be a part of the pack. I’m sure my future will be worse for not having more bonds. I’m trying to make those bonds. But I’m failing because I expect too much and support too little.
In the future I expect it will not be so easy to distance myself. Maybe I’ll be dead before such measures are mandatory for survival. I must sound like a fool to most people, or a coward. I feel like both whether I’m alone or not. No matter what the future will become apparent soon enough.
I hope in the future there’s more people who are willing to open up than those who want to hold up. Maybe less people like me will make for a better world? I hope I can grow a pair and be able to share before it’s too late. Being obsessive about music has made me forever lyrical. I once wrote a song called “I haven’t got the courage to care.” I think it was about the futility of nihilism. It’s not as clever as I thought it was. I don’t think I’m filled with nihilism. Not at the moment anyway. But I know I’ve given up hope dozens of times in my life. Maybe that’s why so many of my relationships have fallen apart?
Winnemucca is a great place to feel sorry for yourself. 
Tried to get fireworks in Battle Mountain. They were closed due to the pandemic. At the time I was thinking ahead towards throwing fireworks at fascists when I get home to Portland.
Winnemucca is Winnemucca. I hope it never changes. It likely never will. I respect that kind of consistency. I stayed at an incredible hotel built in the 20’s. Scott’s Shady Court. There's ancient electric signs placed strategically throughout town touting this hotel. On past trips through Winnemucca, because most of the time I pass through Winnemucca, I remember thinking next time I needed to stay at Scott’s no matter how shady it seems. Glad I can finally cross it off the list. I lounged in my room hiding from the sun. I forgot to jump in their indoor pool. I wonder if the pool is also from the 20's? It’s on my list for next time.
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